Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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