I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
