You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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