Umm I'm too high to move.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
