You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
