why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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