Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
