cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
