apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
