i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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