dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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