Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
