YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
