you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
did you just send me my own nude
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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