They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
