i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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