I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
