you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
COCAINE IS GR8
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
