You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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