so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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