Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
