this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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