Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
