Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
