Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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