Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
