another moral hangover. fuck.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
