do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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