Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
