Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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