What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
