I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
