I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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