The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
