Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
