so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
