i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Randomize
