i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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