I bet he comes in French.
Everything about him screamed your future.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
