just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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