The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
It's never too late to be topless.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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