she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
