Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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