I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
