guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Did you just see the Batmobile???
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
