Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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