just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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