I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
