Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
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