How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
