You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
