Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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