i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
